Learning how to heal requires discipline patience and intent.
It is not an easy task but it is one that can be done through the proper implementation of specific rituals, that will serve as your foundation for emotional and spiritual healing. Similar to many things in life, we struggle to stick to new behaviors that are necessary to form positive habits. During the 731 journey, I created a new ritual where I listen to inspirational podcasts or videos while getting ready for my day. This new practice has proven to be a way to allow me to control my day, hold myself accountable and get excited about the things I’m planning for my life.
Ironically, the more I desired to heal, the more material I was able to find to help me on my journey (seek and ye shall find, remains to be true). As I healed, I learned things about myself that were influenced by listening to the teachings of people who had gone through similar struggles. Recently, while listening to a video of Bishop TD Jakes (who is quickly becoming a favorite inspirational speaker of mine) teaching about wanting rewards without putting in the work-my spirit levitated as I received his message. He expressed that,
“We want the gift of the baby, but not the stretch marks that come as a result of the baby. ”
Is this not the absolute truth??!!!
Throughout the day, this quote remained with me, because I understand the process to true healing and becoming whole is ugly. Nothing about it is pretty or desirable–in fact, the only desirable thing is the peace that comes as a result of having put in the work.
No matter what, you have to put in the work.
It is not uncommon for those who are going through a process of healing in any regard whether spiritual, physical, mental, or emotional we want to be on the other side of the river. We want to already be on the mountaintop, to have perfect health, the perfect mate, job, career, friendships, and family but often we do not want to experience the pain that comes with receiving these gifts. Healing is not devoid of what I call the pushing phase. It is the phase that requires the most intentional work, for that reason and as expected, it is the most labor-intensive portion of healing. So how can we control this and build upon it?
1. Recognize the pain
More often than not, there is a certain unspoken fear in admitting that emotionally we are in pain. We are supposed to always have it all together and the ability to “bounce back” with no questions asked. While there are situations that absolutely require you to keep it together and make a quick and sound decision, let’s not forget that our emotional being STILL FEELS. Listening to your soul when it speaks to you and being honest with yourself is step 1 in healing.
2. Allow yourself to feel the pain
Once you have been honest about the pain that you are experiencing, it’s time to allow yourself to feel it. For many of us, allowing ourselves to actually feel the pain is uncomfortable, we’re not accustomed to it, instead, we suppress the pain. Unfortunately, this behavior leads to detriment–ignoring the signs of your emotional being is no different from anyone who ignores the diagnosis of cancer. The only way to heal the pain is to feel the pain so, do not turn it off, instead, learn to grow through it.
3. Journal your process
Chronicling your healing journey provides an outlet. Journaling your experiences and feelings require you to think clearly enough about them to articulate it through writing. Whether you write in or type it, both are beneficial because you are mentally processing your thoughts & feelings which aids in healing. If you haven’t, sign up on our homepage to receive your free 30-day healing journal.
4. Create a positive ritual
Aside from committing to journaling your process, this step requires the most work. It is the action part of healing and frequently the part that we do not want to do. Establish changes in behavior that will lead to positive results for you. While my morning ritual of listening to one inspirational speech as I get ready for work, sometimes I want to listen to Bryson Tiller or Sza instead of ‘Sticking to the plan’ (in my Big Sean voice). This is the moment of truth, at which you honestly have to make a decision to commit to your emotional growth. Creating rituals like meditation and positive self-talk will positively impact your healing journey.
Be aware, healing is not about pretending to be FLAWLESS (as lovely as that sounds), it is not a race to the finish line, it is about building well. BUILDING WELL. As you journey, you’ll be tempted to give up, you’ll become frustrated and just want to “get there”. In those moments, don’t focus on the finish line, or how many more step you have to take, just keep working, keep pushing and stay committed to your wholeness by taking one step at a time.