Recently after listening to my girlfriend talking about her boy problems, my response to her was, “You should stop dating and heal”. She looked at me as if I had two heads, eyes widened as she whispered in disbelief, “Like…Completely?” I nodded and replied never breaking eye contact, “Yeah, completely”.
As I stared at her, she sighed and said, “I dunno if I can do that Sash” to which I replied, “Well you’ll likely continue this pattern of unhealthy dating”.
We’ve all experienced the pain of dating a broken person at least once in our lives, yet we continue to do it for a number of reasons, 1. We’re unwilling to make the sacrifice of being alone 2. We have no idea how to start or 3. We didn’t realize they were broken or decided to ignore the signs. Too frequently we find ourselves excusing the behavior of people simply because we “Hate Sleepin’ Alone” in Drake’s voice. It’s important not to make excuses for the behavior of others and instead, offer a remedy and above all else, protect your peace. Women in particular, often feel the need to try to heal others when in reality we should be putting that energy into improving our own lives. Frankly put, it is not your responsibility to heal anyone aside from yourself.
No amount of love you give a broken person can heal them if they don’t already love themselves.
So, girl stop and focus on you!
Listen, this dating world that we are experiencing is wild. I know it, you know it…anyone who is dealing with dating today knows this to be true. What’s worse is that most of us do not know (or care to learn) how to properly date. And to be perfectly honest, most of our parents didn’t know how to date so it’s been difficult for them to pass that lesson down. A question I’ve received as of late has been, “How do you know that someone is broken?”
You pay attention.
You talk less and observe more.
There are telltale signs that indicate an individual’s emotional state. On one end of the spectrum, there is inconsistency, anger, bitterness and an inability to commit on the other, there is extreme dependency, a victim mentality, and mental weakness.
*Shouts up and down waving arms*
These traits didn’t just magically appear, they came from somewhere!
I spent the last two years of my life healing; a journey that lasted for seven hundred and thirty-one days and during this process my soul was renewed. Despite the deep healing I needed, I was completely oblivious to this need because I had suppressed it. Many of us are walking around hurting inside and operating at a percentage of our greatness. Healing hurts, it is the most difficult thing that I’ve ever experienced and it was something that I did alone for the most part, but you don’t have to!
Recently we’ve launched SevenThirtyOne or #731, a platform to address and deal with all things related to emotional well-being, particularly in the Black community. We believe that by focusing on healing your emotional being you can improve the trajectory of your life. In fact, I affirm that you cannot live your best life without being whole.
I understand what it feels like to try to start a relationship, new career or mend familial connections while dealing with a damaged emotional being. For some time, I was expecting someone from somewhere to come along and put all of my broken pieces together. I had no idea that it would be me who had to put my pieces back together…well me and God. *AMEN*
Healing is a long journey of self-discovery, forgiveness, love and intention. There are both highs that will make you feel on top of the world and lows that will test your faith and will to win. In short, IT AIN’T EASY FAM–but it is necessary in order to establish a strong foundation that can withstand the winds of life.
As you journey through your healing process I challenge you to ask yourself a simple question, “What am I willing to give up to heal and experience wholeness?” When it’s all said and done, many of us are unwilling to put in the work required to improve our lives. We want to continue in our old habits & patterns and then complain about the change we did not receive from the work we did not put in.
I call BS!
This is why the #SevenThirtyOne movement is so critical to everyone especially for millennials who came of age in the generation of “appearances first, feelings later”. This dangerous cycle is not only detrimental to romantic relationships but also spills over into friendships, professional relationships and family ties.
Make no mistake…HEALING IS THE CORNERSTONE OF HAPPINESS.
What I know without a shadow of doubt is that, whole people know that they are whole; they are not confused, or unsure about it. Mostly because we’ve already gone through the painful fight for our freedom. I’m excited for this movement as I am excited for life and as a friendly reminder…I AM NOT YOUR MEDICINE.